Chef the Griller


One month ago, on a rain-slicked street

My mother and I got a bite to eat

But on the way back, I slipped and fell

And I suppose the car coming didn’t see me well

Because the next thing I knew, as I lifted my head

I was staring at the sheets of a hospital bed!

I could not move my legs, nor my right arm

My left was okay (it escaped from harm)

My mother came in, with a frown, and then

Said “honey, I’m afraid you’ll never walk again.”

A feeling came over me, not sadness or hate

But instead overwhelming apathy took place

“Oh well,” I thought, “I guess I’m done.

My life is over before it’s even begun!”

But the next day my mom approached me with a smile

And said that, with luck, I’d only stay here a while

And then, if feeling returned to my legs

I could come back with her and start my life again

Well, that filed me with hope; an optimism quite bright

And perhaps my stay here would even be alright!

The month passed by, rather pleasantly

I’ll save you the details on how I went pee.

Most of my actions needed the assistance of a nurse

But really I was just glad to not be in a hearse

A reporter came to my room to tell my story

I think he was expecting something a little more gory

The triplegia of a fourteen year-old kid

Was something that, sadly, couldn’t be hid.

My nurse was kindly, pretty and gentle

She helped me get through that month without going mental

She even gave me a book to read

About shipwrecked sailors whose captain couldn’t lead

I learned on that day that human tasted like pork

The captain got eaten (but he was kind of a jerk.)

The nurse was very good at helping me cope with my condition

But when she was gone I sometimes felt a suspicion

Something like I was being watched

But I shooed that thought from my mind and instead stared at the clock

One thing that bothered me was the sheet on my legs

They hooked tubes up to me so that I never left the bed

But I could not reach down for the sheet to be pulled

So I could not see my legs, my once-useful tools

At the end of this month, I’m supposed to go home

But more often than not I’m simply left alone

The female nurse does not come any more

Instead, a crueler face comes through the door

His face is all pudgy, he wears an apron

That’s always filthy, and wrinkled like bacon

He gives me my food, three times a day

And he cooks all my food in all the same ways

He grills it, whether it should be or not

Grilled meat, grilled veggies, and here’s food for thought:

He served me cereal once, and I swear to God

He even grilled the cornflakes! How odd!

Sometimes, while eating one of his grilled meals,

He would stand in a corner and try to conceal

The smile that spread across his whole fat face

Before noticing my horror and running out of the place

I told my mom to ask about this weird guy

She said the hospital staff had this reply:

“He’s both a nurse and a cook (one of the best)

But while applying for the job, under ‘name’ he put ‘Chef’

So everyone simply calls him by that name

He may look threatening, but he’s really quite tame!”

I tried to let that ease my fear

But I started having awful nightmares

His face appeared, looking like pudgy rubber

And all the while he stared at my mother

His eyes were planted firmly at her hips

And all the while, he was licking his lips

Thinking of Chef filled me with horror

And when he came to serve me

His meat became rawer

It was still appetizing, but just barely

And with every day he seemed more and more hairy

My mom normally visits every day at noon

She insists on seeing me in my hospital room

She’s never late; she’s always on time

She treats being late like a capital crime

But today, for some reason, she’s a few minutes late

If I ever did something like that she’d be irate!

Chef comes in and serves me some meat

I take a look at his disgusting bare-feet

And eat the food, as there’s nothing else to try

And when I realize the taste, I nearly die

The food I was eating was clearly not pork

Yet the taste was known as soon as it was through my fork

I was eating something else; I knew it to be true

I through the plate aside, and then my guts I spewed

I vomited and vomited, and as I did I cried

Was I eating my mother? Had she really died?

“You killed my mom, and made me eat her, too!”

I yelled with all the force I could bring myself to

Chef looked at me, with an emotionless face

My one good arm shot up with the intent to erase

His expression, his presence, his existence on this earth

But my fist just bounced off his impressive girth

At that moment, my mother rushed into the room

And said “what’s all the screaming? You sound like a loon!”

I looked at my mother, there in the flesh

And never felt more relieved as I got back my breath

My mom was okay, I was overreacting!

Staying in this bed all day had my sanity retracting!

Everything was alright now that she was here!

There was nothing to fret and nothing to fear!

I gave my mom news in the usual way

Chef left, but then returned midday

When he did, I tried to apologize

I said “I know what I did was awfully unwise;

I really am sorry for freaking out

But not moving from this bed’s made me a paranoid lout!”

Chef grinned at me, with black gums and missing teeth

Which then retracted like a sword in a sheath

He walked over to the my legs that were covered by the sheet

And scowled “I was hoping you’d enjoy my little treat”

He pulled off the sheet, and my legs were gone!

It was as if they’d been cut off by a saw!

A bloody pool was where they once lay

I yelled out in horror and tried to get away

But he leaned over and grabbed my chest

He leaned in so close I could smell his foul breath

He said “All that meat on your legs was going to rot

And I would never cook a woman in such poor health

Besides, watching you eat your own mother is not

Half as exciting as watching you eat yourself!”

Original Author: Greg G.

28 Comments on 'Chef the Griller'

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  • Commented on October 1, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    OH! Chef the Griller, Jeff the Killer, Its like, a parodypasta, but its good! Woah! Cool!

  • Commented on September 30, 2015 at 9:53 pm

    I love this sooooo much. Its manages to balance creepy and fun elements together surprisingly well. 😀

  • Commented on October 1, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    It’s always refreshing to read a bit of creepy poetry, not to mention the resolve was great.

  • Commented on October 1, 2015 at 6:36 am

    This is very creative, and a very unexpected ending. Well done.

  • Commented on October 2, 2015 at 6:54 am

    That was delightfully fun!! It took me back to the days of enjoying Shel Silverstein’s Where the sidewalk ends. Good job!!

  • Commented on October 5, 2015 at 8:05 pm

    I loved this! The ending was perfect, not to mention that it was a poem as well

  • Commented on October 12, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    I loved it to be honest, I have a interest in weird stuff like that, halfway into the story I realized it was a poem so I felt bad thou. Fabulous Potato

  • kelvin book reviews
    Commented on October 13, 2015 at 2:30 pm

    hi my name is kelvin and i simply must get to the point this poem is amazing and nothing but i looked everywhere on the internet to find a copy or a source but nothing and i must say i love it with some grammatical errors but amazing plot it turns out she was eating her own legs simply amazing give me a call if you might want to get this published 903-491-1911

  • Commented on October 9, 2015 at 6:40 pm

    I was reading this in health class and I got to the end and I started laughing…everyone looked at me like I was insane because they knew what I was reading. Not super duper scary but still, sent a chill down my spine. I loved it! 5/5

  • Commented on October 10, 2015 at 5:17 pm

    nomnomnom 9/10 legs

  • Jordan
    Commented on October 13, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    It was awesome

  • Commented on November 20, 2015 at 4:17 pm

    throw not through
    It was cool he only knew how to use a fore man grill.

  • CutePanda
    Commented on November 20, 2015 at 7:13 pm

    Love the twist ending 5/5 breads

  • Commented on May 19, 2016 at 3:25 am

    This was funny but scary and the chef the griller part was punderful

  • Commented on October 1, 2015 at 5:52 am

    It has some sort of pull to me, but I honestly can’t say what.

  • dixiefayth
    Commented on October 1, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    wtf that was so gross i loved it

  • Commented on October 1, 2015 at 6:41 pm

    I was on the edge of my seat until the end.

  • Commented on October 1, 2015 at 6:50 pm

    This really wasn’t scary, but I still loved it!!! I love the poem format! 😀

  • Commented on October 4, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    I loved how well you put it in a poem format, well done.

  • Anonymous
    Commented on October 4, 2015 at 5:03 pm

    Nice! The rhyme scheme makes it even creepier!

  • Commented on October 5, 2015 at 2:51 am

    Love the poetic form! Kept me interested and guessing right until the end!

  • Commented on October 8, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    Not super scary, but still slightly creepy. I loved it! 9/10

  • Commented on October 11, 2015 at 12:52 pm

    It was great-
    But how I ask,
    How did he get that cast?
    It was filled with blood,
    surely it would’ve shown,
    but that’s a secret,
    we’ll never know.

  • Commented on October 12, 2015 at 7:19 pm


  • Chef The Griller
    Commented on December 8, 2015 at 6:17 pm


  • Commented on April 4, 2016 at 11:51 pm

    I will never eat pork again!

  • Commented on October 5, 2015 at 4:40 am

    I’m done. Just, done. 😀

  • Commented on January 28, 2016 at 5:09 am

    I can’t read a story that ryhmes, it’s annoying… I feel like I’m in 2nd grade again.

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