I sat down with my bowl of popcorn, drenched in butter, just the way I liked it. I picked up the TV remote and flipped throught the channels. It was the same old stuff as always, advertising for the newest toys, or soap operas about Italian families who never get along. I stopped at the news channel.
“There have been reports of an escape from the Rockfield Prison. A man, who murdered 37 people, including three police officers, was reported missing from the prison today. He was last seen by inmates yesterday night at around 9:40. It is still uncertain if he escaped, or if he’s been killed and hidden by enemies in the prison, although another guard was found dead this morning near his cell.”
I got up from my chair and walked to the kitchen. It had been months since I last had popcorn. I had forgotten how much butter to put in. Hadn’t put enough. I put it down because I had a sudden urge to pee. After using the restroom, I walked outside and got in the police cruiser. I roamed around the neighborhood until I found a house with no cars, but lights inside.
I parked the car on the road and got out. I walked to the back of the house, and through the window saw a light. I could see someone on a computer, on a website with a black background, and red logos everywhere. As I was walking to the window, I looked down at my right arm.
The orange jumpsuit was bloodstained up and down the arms, and some was on my chest too. I decided to keep it that way, better to surprise this victim.
46 Comments on 'Criminality'
I enjoy the attempt at making the reader feel uneasy as they reach the end. I would suggest changing this to present tense. While it is clear that the narrator was stalking someone who was viewing this website, the past tense scenario doesn’t sprinkle in that little extra bit of dread. If they think someone is watching them RIGHT NOW, then you nailed it. Overall decent job!
it was a grate story but i wish it was longer
It was decent, too predictable
How did this even make it?
lol he was the perp the whole time
that was good.
It’s hard to find an enjoyable short pasta, and this one was actually pretty good. The ending had a nice meta touch to it, which i never really see to much. The only thing I really have to say is that popcorn is not “dredged” in butter, it’s “drenched”. Dredged means to scoop up water from a river… no joke
Mindfuck? Untag that immediately. This was the complete and total opposite of a mindfuck.
Jeff the killer: Go to sleep motherfucker.
Criminal: Damn. Life.
Honestly I wasn’t scared I think it could use more detail
There was no mindfuck.
And very cliche.
But it still took me awhile to get what happened.
Still a very good story. Keep trying
i knew he was the criminal as soon as the news thing came on 🙁
wow 45 secs wasted reading this trows up pasta
more detail.but great job.
Not sure why all the bad reviews, but I liked it. I thought it was a good side dish. (Short Pasta)
Good pasta. I don’t know my everyone is like “NOT A MINDFUCK” Can you not tell the person he is stalking is on this website? That’s what makes it a mindfuck. Just a tip don’t use “I” so many times, it takes away from the story. Using other opening to sentences gives you’re story a little kick to it. Over all 7/10 breads
Okay. I thought his victim was watching porn…
Kinda cool. I didn’t notice right away that the narrator was the killer.
37 people? Lol
This was great and had an awesome plot twist! 10/10
i loved it !kinda obvious but i still liked it . curious if he decided the ads aswell there are three cars outside my house this convict needs spectacles! 😛
Used the wrong tags.
Right when it said that it had been months since they had popcorn, it was an immediate give away that he was the obviously the escapee
This is not even slightly creepy
Liking butter so much makes him less scary.
Would be so much better in present tense.. And I’m reading this in class.
[spoiler he’s the killer]
Well I know my Pastas are crappy but this was just special
Hah! I’m at church on my phone right now! Can’t fool me!
Sorry, dude. Your creepypasta is not complete. It’s not even scary. Please improve your pasta.
21/100. Really Sorry. It needs to improve.
But don’t worry. If it’s your first creepypasta, there might be more opportunities. So use them to the fullest. Wishing you all the best for your future creepypastas.
Woooooooooow, the protagonist was the killer. Tbh, didn’t see that coming. The “i” thing got a little annoying but it was still a good pasta. I give it 7 out of 10
Spoiler Alert: This story isn’t a mindfuck at all
This was totally uter crappy plz try aigan
Was very short and Not very good.
This one was building up great suspense (for me), until he said “It had been months since I last had popcorn”, which completely gave away that he was the escaped criminal.
So he just ditches his popcorn/Netflix time to stalk/scare/murder someone reading this website?
Predictable, but okay
I think he would be already dead if he killed that many people.
Predictable, yes, but i still liked it
he was the perp But to be completely honest it wasn’t that great of a story. I see room for improvement. Good luck in your next creepy pastas. 🙂
for everyone who doesnt get it its about you reading this (black backround and red labels, hint hint) nad him stalking you closely.
also how did creepa99 get 101 dislikes, is it because of his username, I know thats hwy disliked, screw minecraft
The read wasn’t that great to be honest, I didn’t find it very enjoyable. It didn’t feel scary, I could tell from the start how they acted that it was them. It didn’t seem creepy, it felt like just some story.