It was 10:00 at night and I had a friend over, my friend Noah. He was basically the first friend I made when I moved to this new school. We had spent the whole day at an airsoft war down in the city. We were tired, but not sleepy. We played some games on our PlayStation 3 and did so for about four hours. Now keep in mind that my room is big. It was a fifteen by twenty foot room and what stood out the most was this window that took up a good portion of one of the walls.
But is wasn’t until about 2:30 a.m. that there was this annoying scratching noise at the window, but not enough to get on our nerves too much. It continued to progressively get louder. I said to Noah, “It’s probably someone outside the window trying to get our attention.” and he just nodded and we kept on playing our game. Now let me just say this: Hearing a loud scratching noise for about thirty minutes is testing someone’s sanity. With it getting louder, but not actually being too loud, I realized something. We are basically isolated from most of society. There were a few houses here and there, but we were for the most part alone in a log cabin in the woods. Stating my point, there should be NO ONE scratching at the window. I was tempted to look back across the room to see who was so anxious to get our attention, and so was Noah, but I talked him out of it. By this time it’s 3:21 a.m. and we were tired of playing the game and we were talking to our girlfriends or fucking around with people on this site called Omegle. It was entertaining to teenagers with a crude sense of humor. But no matter what we did, there was always that scratching noise. But all at once, it stopped. No scratching. No nothing. Just the sound of us laughing at what was amusing us at the time. This went on for about thirty seconds.
Suddenly there was a crash and violent screams coming from my parent’s room. I turned around and froze as screams were coming from upstairs. There it stood. Pure white eyes, a crooked smile, bloodstained teeth, and a reddish complexion. This whole time I knew we were being watched but this was different. It was INSIDE my room, staring at us. I was jolted back to reality as the other… thing smashed the door. Faster than I have ever moved before, I grabbed Noah and ran past the thing that had been scratching at the window and jumped out of it. As I heard the roars and shattering glass behind us, we RAN. Faster than anyone could into the darkness of dawn.
We were fidgety, twitching, you name it. Town was about thirteen miles from my house, but we didn’t care. We never looked back. I didn’t want to see those eyes behind us. We made it to the main road in one piece and ran along it, trying to get someone’s attention to pick us up. We heard the roars behind us. Hyperventilation and crying from myself were all I could hear other than those wretched shrieks, but we kept running, never looking back… It’s 5:46 a.m. and I’m in the comfort of my girlfriend’s arms. I suspect Noah is too. Our girlfriends don’t live to far from each other, so we said our goodbyes and made it to their houses. I’m scared, and I know he is too. They’re looking for us, I know they are, but it’s only a matter of time before we hear those agonizing shrieks as an apocalyptic sunrise came over the horizon.
All at once I wake up, bed covered in sweat and Noah is fast asleep. It was only 4:38 a.m. and I figured I just had a bad dream… That was… Until I heard the scratching.
17 Comments on 'Guest at the Window'
That was a good last line!
I agree it was, but as always i could have made it longer
I feel like the last paragraph absolutely RUINED it. It was a real ass pull and just destroyed any of the tension.
It was so expected. It could of used more detail and I felt like the scenes went by too quickly. Other than that, it was okay. I’d give it 3/5
I didn’t really enjoy this because of a few things. If someone was scratching at my window, I’d look, but they just ignored it. It also didn’t flow well. It was stiff. The whole thing was rushed too me honestly. I like the creature and the last line, but other than that this story could use some more editing.
I eyerolled when monsters started busting in and killing people a la a survival horror movie, and winced when the protagonist had to do a QTE to get himself and his friend out of the house. Despite seeing there wasn’t much text left, I actually let myself hope a little bit when I got to the bit where he woke up. “He really was playing too many videogames and dreamed up something so cheesy, there’s still time to do an actual twist and make something of it!”
Then it turned out that actually he’d just loaded from autosave. Groan.
I love when stories happen like this. Like (not a spoiler) It’s 12 o’ 6 am. I opened my eyes to see her muffle my voice with one hand, and the other to stab through my chest. I wake up. I am relieved it is a dream, but i then look at the clock. It switches from 12:05 to 12:06. I hear my closet door creak open…
It is a perfect horror story for telling children, and even though I am not, I liked it.
I heard a knock on my window and i almost had a heart attack. LEL
Oooh. Spooky. I’m getting goosebumps. Guy has a nightmare, and then wakes up to find out that it was real. NEVER heard of that before.
Hm. In all honesty the entry and end sound just a tad cliché.
This was a great story here. Got myself a little paranoid as I looked around my room a couple of times.
I really wish 0 or negative ratings were available for stories like this. Cliché, predictable, boring, not creepy, etc.
Not a great pasta. The pasta is undercooked, (rushed) and not much sauce or cheese (detail and creepiness) the final bit is also very bland (cliche) and there’s no buildup whatsoever. Maybe next time you should take more time on writing.
Stop using the word “basically.”
Sorry but this reads pretty clunky and your ending is too predictable. Would like to see some different wording in places and some alteration in grammar to help with your flow. It has potential but its not there yet.
Lots of ambiguity early on. Also uncertain as to how many of these things there were. A good technique for creatures is quantity vs quality. Is it one super powered demon who cant be beat, or is it hundreds of little devils that win because they are so numerous? Just some quick thoughts while I read these bored af at work.