You’ve seen her. You know you have. Try to deny it all you want, it happened. It happened a lot actually. Never fully, always out of the corner of your eye, just out of sight. That’s where she stays. She does not like to be seen, but she loves it when people try. You try to tell yourself it was nothing, just your mind playing tricks. She likes that too. She likes making you feel like that. You tell yourself there is nothing there, yet you feel her. You feel her gaze. You feel her breath on the back of your neck. Your hair stands on end when she is there, did you think that happens for no reason? It’s her. It’s always been her. It will always be her.
She was the beginning, and she will be the end. She was the first. The first shadow that has haunted man from the beginning. She is older than sin itself. She was here long before what you call God, and she will be around long after he is forgotten. In the mean time, she wants you.
You feel her pull. You don’t know that you feel it, but something inside you drives you to know what she is. You can’t deny it anymore, you know you saw something. A ghost? A demon? You don’t know. But that’s where you start. Suddenly, you’re obsessed. You need to know. You’ve read every book on the occult you can find. You scour the Internet, reading every article you can about what lurks in the dark. Nothing seems to fit. You read about shadow people, boogie men, and every other entity from every obscure website. Some seem like possibilities, but you know that’s not what you saw. Then you find it. “Her”. This is it, before you even read the article, you know this is it. You’re suddenly filled with the sickening mixture of dread and desire. You click on the link, but it’s just a blank page with one line of writing. “The beginning ritual”. Hurriedly, you google the ritual, and find the directions on how to see her.
It looks like your run of the mill ritual. Candles, symbols and a bit of blood, nothing too out of the ordinary. You get everything you need. The thought that you will finally see her fills you with anticipation. You will know what she is. You’ll know you’re not crazy. You go to start the ritual, but you suddenly get the feeling that something is not right. You feel that you’re in danger, but you shrug it off. After all, you’re trying to see the thing that lurks in the dark, of course you’re nervous. So you proceed. You draw the symbols, say the strange words, and you bring the large hunting knife to the palm of your hand, and make one long smooth cut.
The second your blood hits the floor, you feel it. The concussion. The absolute, horrendous pain. You feel as through your body is being ripped to shreds and burned all at once. You try to scream, but it’s useless. You’ve lost all control of your body. All you can do is sit there and feel the searing, blinding pain. It doesn’t stop. As the days, weeks, months go on, it doesn’t stop. You feel every second of it. You can’t sleep. You won’t pass out. There is no reprieve. You feel your mind slip away from you. Your once rational thoughts turn into demented desires to make someone else feel as you do. You need to show them how it feels. You need to show them how she makes you feel.
You know she is there, even though you can’t see, you know it. Then you hear her. The sweet beautiful voice. You hear the words, they’re unrecognizable, but somehow you understand. “You found me, I knew you would. You will be one of mine. Would you like that?” She coos to you. Eagerly, you agree. Suddenly, you realize you can move again, but it feels weird. As though your body has changed shape and bends in different positions. “Find me more, we need to be many. Seek out those who used to be like you. Those who want to believe in monsters”. You feel her touch your face, it feels as though she could rip the skin off. You can feel the long gashes where she touched you. You can feel the blood seeping out, but you like it. Suddenly the pain she causes feels like when your mother used to hug you. You smile, but your mouth opens much wider than it used to. You find this funny. You laugh, your voice is much deeper than it was before, and the sound makes you laugh even more. You feel her close again. “Go. Find me more. Set them on the path, you know how, I’ve showed you”. You feel everything slip away.
When you awake, you’re in a strange yet familiar space. You feel someone around you, so you hide. You scuttle sideways across the floor and take refuge in the shadows. You don’t want them to see you. You only move when they turn away from you. You know what this looks like to them, they can only see you out of the corner of their eyes. They tell themselves it was just their imaginations, so you move again, a little more obvious this time. They scream. The sound excites you more than you thought possible. You want them to do it again, and the though makes you laugh. They run out of the room. You know they heard you, and it angers you that they ran away. You were having fun. Then you hear someone else, so you go and play with them too.
You see her from time to time. While you follow your play things. You see them search, just as you had. You watch them find the ritual. You see them spill their blood. Then she comes. She always comes. She smiles at you, and you know what is about to happen. You know what they are about to feel, and it excites you.
You watch your play thing disappear, just as you once did, and she come closer to you. “Well done, keep going,” she says as she touches your chest, leaving deep, blood soaked ridges. You look down, and smile. This will help you with the next one. You watch her disappear too. This makes you sad. Then a thought occurs to you, if you send her more play things, you will see her.
Eagerly, you scuttle off to lure another play thing into her grasp so you can see her again. Nothing else matters. Just her.