“I’m Not Braindaddy!”

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I’ve never been what you’d call a “gamer”.

Sure, I own a console. It’s outdated by now. I like to play the odd game. But that’s about it.

I’m almost forty. Old enough now that when I was at the height of my “gaming” years, all that really entailed was getting together with friends to play Mario or Castlevania, or Excite Bike, or Punch-Out. Maybe Sonic if a friend had a Genesis, which no one does anymore.

Keeping up with the latest trends in gaming was never interesting to me. I have a lot of interests; reading, watching movies and television, listening to music. But gaming? It was never a hobby. More like a pastime.

Like most pastimes, I don’t really understand when someone makes a lifestyle out of it. Today the gaming scene isn’t aimed at the casual gamer. You get accused of being a “n00b” if you aren’t up to date on everything. It’s almost a religion.

So I leave it alone, and have been content to do so for several years now. For the most part, the gaming world has also left me in peace.

There was one time, however, when the gaming world decided not to leave me in peace. In fact, the whole experience was enough to turn me off gaming for life.

It happened at a pretty low time in my life. I had just had my ex-wife file for divorce from me, and I had moved back in with my parents while looking for a new place to live. I had recently gotten a new job after the one I had been at fired me for all the time I missed due to divorce proceedings.

My new job was as a systems analyst for a major company. I was one of many, a cog in the machinery, but I had been in a few jobs like this in the past and they all operated differently. Some of them you only had to care about while you were there, while others expected you to bring your work home with you, and I had not yet figured out which kind of job this was.

So when the call came, and I didn’t immediately recognize the voice or the number, my first inclination was that it was probably someone at work. My mother answered it, and I heard from across the room a mail voice ask if Brandon was there. Mom handed me the phone.

“Hello,” I answered.

“Hello, is this Brandon Coates?”

“Yes…who is this?”

“Um…I need to confirm some codes.”

At this point, I still thought this was a work call. I didn’t recognize the voice at all, but I didn’t know everyone at the office yet. Maybe this guy needed me to confirm my employee ID or something. Or perhaps he needed to make sure I had all the access I needed for the systems I was going to be helping maintain.

“What sort of codes?” I asked.

“Look, the fucking codes you provided aren’t working,” said the voice. At this point I began to realize this wasn’t a work call. I was momentarily stunned, unsure how to respond to this jackass who was already getting hostile with me. His next words removed any doubt that he’d gotten the wrong Brandon Coates. “For NBA Live. On xBox 360.”

I’m only barely aware of the game system called xBox. I’ve never played a game on it nor did I ever plan to. Also, my job had nothing whatsoever to do with game systems.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m pretty sure you have the wrong number.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” The dude was really angry now. More angry than he should be over something as simple as dialing the wrong person in the phone book. “You’re Brandon Coates! You said so! Now fix these goddam codes or fuck you, fuckin’ BrainDaddy punk!”

“Okay,” I said. “I’m hanging up now. Don’t call me again.” He was still yelling as I hung up.

I didn’t give the matter a second thought. Likely the guy was just pissed and said some things in the heat of anger that he would regret when he calmed down later.

But a couple of days later, I got another call. This time my father answered it, and after a moment, handed the phone to me with a concerned expression on his face.

I took it and said hello again. The voice on the phone was not the same man who called before.

“Brandon Coates?”

“Um…speaking.”

“Listen, fuck you, BrainDaddy. You’re a fraud and a joke. If I see you again, you’re fuckin’ dead.”

I couldn’t help it. I got pissed. “Listen, fucknugget, you’ve got the wrong guy! I told your buddy a few days ago that I’m not the Brandon Coates you’re looking for and this call is harassment!”

“Yeah? You like it? Wanna suck my dick?” I hung up. I almost couldn’t muster the restraint to keep from hurling the phone across the room.

“Who are these people, Brandon?” my father asked. The look on his face made me realize that he was concerned, not for his son who was being harassed for the crime of sharing a name with another guy, but concerned about his son who might be involved in something dangerous. I hadn’t said anything to them about the last call other than “wrong number” but a second call, from an obviously different person, cursing me out and threatening me? Dad was sitting close enough to me that I know he heard the other person’s threat. His suspicions were raised.

My parents and I get along okay, but to say they haven’t always been on board with things I pursue is an understatement. For one, they were against my marrying my ex-wife to begin with, and several times in my life I’d had money problems. I could tell by the way my father asked “Who are these people” that he fully expected me to answer, as if I knew. He likely thought they were money lenders or worse, wondered if I’d started selling drugs or something.

The truth, in this case, would truly set me free, at least as far as he was concerned. “They think I’m this other guy who has the same name,” I said. “They keep calling me BrainDaddy. They think I’m involved with the xBox 360 or something. I have no idea what they want, but they won’t believe they have the wrong guy.”

“Well, these calls need to stop, son,” said Dad, the tone in his voice exactly the same as the one he used to use when I was in school. “These bad grades need to stop, son.” Just the same tone, like the calls were my fault.

I honestly didn’t know what to do. Contrary to whatever my father’s suspicions are, I have never been involved in any criminal activity, and I didn’t know how to deal with harassing phone calls. Also, a naive part of me thought the calls would stop on their own. That sounded like the easiest way to deal with it.

And for about a week, it was. And then, one Saturday when I had nothing else to do and both parents were gone, the phone rang.

I took one look at the caller ID and let it ring. The number and caller’s name were blocked. It would most probably be someone calling for Mom or Dad. I had made it a point to not answer their phone if they weren’t there. After all, I had a cell phone and most people who needed to contact me would use that.

My parents are very old-fashioned people. They don’t have voice mail. In this case, it was probably a good thing they didn’t, or it would have been them that heard the message. They still had an answering machine, as if it was still 1988, and, like all answering machines, it didn’t give a shit about privacy.

Blasting through the house loud enough that two senior citizens could hear it no matter which room they were in, came the following message.

“BraaaaaaaainDaddyyyyyyy…” drawled a gravelly voice. The person on the other end sounded either like they had just woken up, or was drunk, or had a bad cold. “I saw you at GameCon….sooooo beautifuuuuul….it was like lightning through my penis, man…you’re gonna take my dick up your ass so sooooooooon…..”

There was more, but it was just muffled curse words. I let it finish, and then I immediately erased the message. I decided it was time to get serious. Clearly they weren’t going to stop. I could hardly believe what was going on. These people, all of them sounding like young men in their early twenties tops, had taken what I was starting to realize was an online vendetta way over the line. Their actions were bordering on illegal, and I knew I had to do something before they decided to…who knows? Show up at my parents’ doorway armed?

I fired up my laptop and googled “Brandon Coates” “Brain Daddy”. Search results were plentiful. The first three hits were nothing close to what I was looking for, but the third had the headline “BrainDaddy Brandon Coates gives his opinion on Call of Duty: Black Ops…” There was more, but that was all I needed. Clearly this was the guy that the assholes calling me had thought they had reached.

I opened the link and read a little way. It turns out there was a guy in my city, a really young guy by comparison, who did indeed have my name, and who was apparently quite the gaming guru. I’d never heard of him, because I wasn’t a gamer, but if I were, there’s no way I wouldn’t have known who BrainDaddy was. He had a following on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and several gaming websites, wherein he would offer advice, reviews, offer cheat codes, etc. Apparently he was one of the most sought-after game reviewers in my area. He had had made friends with some of the most influential names in the gaming scene. And from what I was starting to pick up on, he had also made several enemies.

Finding his email was no challenge. As luck would have it, he did have it listed on his Facebook page. It was probably a business address, maybe one that he didn’t even personally check, but I didn’t care. Even if one of his subordinates read it, they would at least take the message I was about to send seriously.

“Mr. Coates,

You don’t know me but we have the same name, and apparently this is enough for several severely misguided people to confuse us.

Over the past few weeks I have received several harassing, threatening phone calls from people who believe I’m you. I neither know, no care what you did to piss them off so badly, but I urge you to take action to get this all to stop.

You appear to have resources to contact your followers, and if I were you, I would use those resources to inform them that they have been contacting a person with your name and behaving in an illegal manner. If these calls do not stop, my next step is legal action. I have a feeling you don’t want that. I urge you to take this seriously. These calls stop, or you’ll hear from my lawyer.”

I know what you’re probably thinking. Why blame him for this? Why threaten him with legal action? After all, it wasn’t him that had made the calls. No, it wasn’t, but I know a thing or two about online flame wars, and I know that generally when it’s reached a level like this obviously had, both parties likely share blame. If legal action was being threatened, this other Brandon Coates would take me seriously.

It turns out, I really, really should not have done that.

The next call was not to my parents’ house. It was to my cell phone.

I wasn’t able to answer when the call came through. I was at work. In fact I didn’t even see the call until my lunch break, when I checked my phone and saw a waiting voice mail.

My call history showed one missed call. Naturally, it was a blocked number. I had no way of reaching the person who had left me this message. Of course, I knew who it was.

My heart was hammering in my chest, more with anger than with fear, but I was a little afraid, too. Whoever these assholes were, they had gotten ahold of my unlisted cell phone number, which I had only recently acquired (after changing cities to move in with my parents) and which I had in no way shape or form put online, even in an email.

I went to my car and retrieved the message. I sat there, feeling hotter than I should considering it was snowing outside, and listened. The voice that spoke was deep, raspy, haggard, and barely qualified as human.

“Hello, Mr. Brandon Coates, a.k.a. BrainDaddy. Obviously you don’t know what’s good for you. You think you can fuck with us, but you’re wrong. We know where you live. We’ve watched you sleep. We’re watching you right now, as you sit in your car. You will never see us, but we always see you. You belong to us now, fuckball. Your worst nightmare has only just begun.”

Cold sweat broke out all over me. I was shaking. Never in my life have I felt such fear. My head began to whip around, looking at everyone who was passing by where my vehicle sat, just on the side of the road, less than a block from my office. That guy in a grey suite, was he looking at me? No, he was looking behind my car at a female jogger. What about the seemingly benign homeless man just a few feet away? Or what about that guy about to cross the street…

My gaze went past the man waiting to cross. Behind him was a silent, still figure, staring straight at my car. No one else seemed to notice him, but I couldn’t help it. He was short, almost dwarfish, and his proportions were strange. One arm was longer than the other and his head and neck sat at a strange place on his body, almost to his shoulder. He was wearing a Halloween werewolf mask.

In shock, I straightened in my seat and blinked my eyes a few times. When I looked again, he was gone.

My phone rang just then. It sounded to my stressed ears like an air raid siren.

“We’ve let you see us, BrainDaddy. I hope you understand we mean business now.”

I swallowed. Clearly this person would not be threatened by legal action. “What do you want?” I croaked.

“We want you,” said the voice. “To die.”

There was silence on the other end for a while. I thought the person had hung up. And then:

“But first we will kill your parents. First your mom, and then your dad, so he can watch her die. Then we’re gonna kill your cheating whore of a wife. Then we’re gonna kill your brother. When everyone you care about is gone, we’re gonna kill you.”

“Why?” I heard myself ask, as if from far away. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because you don’t know who to fuck with and who not to fuck with, BrainDaddy. You don’t know the kind of deep well of shit you’ve disturbed. Apparently nobody told you the kinds of things we can do. Or maybe you don’t believe we can do them. I hope you believe now, BrainDaddy.”

I swallowed again. I was totally dry, so it felt like my throat was rubbing against sand paper. “I thought…this was just about…cheat codes or something.”

“It always starts small,” said the voice. It kept getting deeper and more evil-sounding. If Satan ever spoke to me, I imagine this is what his voice would sound like. “High-minded shits like you think you can scam and scam and never get caught. We’re here to show you just how wrong you are. You have no idea how badly you’ve fucked up.”

The line went dead.

I spent the rest of that week in a cloud of fear and misery. I could hardly eat. I could barely breathe. I didn’t dare call the police or try to warn my loved ones of what was happening to me. I knew they were watching. I knew that one false move from me would only hasten the punishment they felt I was due.

I spent most of my time at home staring at my laptop screen, wondering what I could possibly do to end this hell I had found myself in through no fault of my own.

And then, in the corner of my screen, a chat window opened.

I hadn’t used MSN chat for over a year. Most of the people I used to keep in contact with were no longer a part of my life. I had forgotten that the program was in my startup list and constantly running in the background.

At the sight of it, I felt the panic rise. My vision blurred and for an instant, I was certain it was these people again; these faceless people who were always watching.

But the screen name was “BrainDaddy”. Here’s a copy and paste of our chat (it was still logged in under my now-ancient screen name “DrinkPBR”:

[[BrainDaddy]]: I’m sosorry, dude

[[DrinkPBR]]: WHAT THE FUCK, MAN??!!

[[BrainDaddy]]: I can’t stop what’s happingin

[[BrainDaddy]]: Real sorry

[[DrinkPBR]]: What’s happening!? I can’t breathe, I’m afraid to go outside!

[[BrainDaddy]]: It’s complcated, man. I can’t really explain. I never ment it to hurt people.

[[DrinkPBR]]: Dude, I warned you that if you didn’t make this stop I’d get the police invovled!

[[DrinkPBR]]: Who are these people??

[[BrainDaddy]]: Nothin the police can doo

[[DrinkPBR]]: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

[[BrainDaddy]]: Lisen, I dont have much time to explian. They where after em but I pankiced and told them I wasnt me. I saw your name come up on facebook and I said it was me

[[DrinkPBR]]: Okay, first, your ass is so sued. Second, your smug fucking face is plastered all over these gaming sites. How did you manage to tell them I’m you?

[[BrainDaddy]]: They dont see like we do. Not really. Can’t expaln much beter. There not like us. They love to play games but they hate it it when you ofend them. Told them once to go fuck themselfs. Now they want me dead.

[[DrinkPBR]]: No, they want ME dead, asshole! And they’re watching me right now, so don’t tell me they don’t see!

[[BrainDaddy]]: They hear you and they smell you but they dont see. Lik I said its complicated. That’s why I’m messenging you. If you don’t talk, they don’t knwo.

[[DrinkPBR]]: Just tell me who they are. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life afraid!

[[BrainDaddy]]: Thats not how this works. You dont get to escape. They say there coming for you, then your dead.

[[DrinkPBR]]: You escaped them by telling them I was you!

[[BrainDaddy]]: Got lucky. There was another Brandon Coates in my city. But were the only 2.

Except he was quite wrong about that. He was the only Brandon Coates in the city. I was, in fact, born Warren Brandon Coates, Jr. I went by Brandon, because my father went by Warren.

I quickly logged off the chat room and went to work. I went to my Facebook page and changed my name to Warren Coates, Jr. I did the same to my Twitter name, my LinkedIn resume, my email address. I changed the voicemail message on my phone to “You’ve reached Warren…”, etc. I pulled out my driver’s license and smiled, seeing that my name read “Coates, Warren Brandon Jr.”.

And I waited. It wasn’t until the next day that I heard from them again. I let the phone ring. Eventually it went to voicemail.

I waited for over an hour before I had the courage to retrieve the message. It was the same voice, but the tone of his message was light and friendly. “Oh, sorry. I must have the wrong person.”

I never heard from them again. After a few years, I was able to relax, finally, convinced that I was safe.

Yesterday I googled “Brandon Coates” “BrainDaddy” again.

The first hit was his obituary. That suited me just fine. Fuck him, anyway.

Original Author:

69 Comments on '“I’m Not Braindaddy!”'

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  • Commented on September 24, 2015 at 6:21 pm

    It’s good to see one of the pasta’s i reviewed made it to the top! congrats writer!

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  • BrainDaddy
    Commented on November 23, 2015 at 7:32 am

    Nice story, but i am dead

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  • scott
    Commented on September 29, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    how did he know he was in the car if it was a voice message?

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  • Commented on September 24, 2015 at 11:00 pm

    man i love it when a pasta that i reviewed makes it to the top 5 good job i hope you make a few more because your style is amazing

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  • Commented on September 28, 2015 at 2:28 pm

    nice!! great fuck you ending 8/10

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  • Commented on September 24, 2015 at 8:28 am

    I somewhat feel relieved

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  • Commented on September 27, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    Dude this was an excellent pasta. I loved every moment of it.

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  • Commented on September 24, 2015 at 2:50 am

    Woah

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  • Commented on September 26, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    Good story kept me gripped

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  • Commented on November 22, 2015 at 12:34 am

    I Swear I Felt Like I Was In The Story!!
    Ill Work!

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  • Commented on May 20, 2016 at 8:48 am

    What a goddamn fantastic pasta. The last line gave me goosebumps. Although, I wish there was a little more about the people following him. Why couldn’t they see? Were they even human? Other than that, absolutely wonderful story. 9/10

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  • Commented on September 24, 2015 at 10:54 am

    I remember reviewing this as well as a few others from this author. I very much enjoy his writing style. The slow evolution from punk kids to something else was very intriguing. And as always I love having questions unanswered, l like what was it.

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  • Commented on September 25, 2015 at 5:37 pm

    this is an awesome story dude. Best one i have read today. Keep writing

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  • Commented on September 26, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    I loved that story

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  • Commented on October 8, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    Wow this was a intriguing story ^.^

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  • Commented on October 9, 2015 at 1:37 pm

    One of my favorites now congrats on making it to the top

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  • Commented on October 19, 2015 at 6:41 pm

    I read this before and it was good so I had to reread so I give this story 5 stars

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  • Mr.Pasta Reviewer
    Commented on October 22, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    Nice story!

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  • Commented on October 23, 2015 at 9:25 pm

    Amazing

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  • Commented on October 27, 2015 at 6:34 pm

    This story was pretty freaking wicked. I give it 10/10

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  • Commented on November 18, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    Best story i have ever review, I really like your work! 10/10

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  • Commented on December 22, 2015 at 2:32 am

    Nice to see a pasta with a nice, tasty ending. That kid deserved that fitting death.

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  • Commented on January 18, 2016 at 10:44 pm

    This is by far one of the best stories I have read!:)

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  • Commented on January 25, 2016 at 12:18 am

    We share the same name! Warren at least… It was good. It even made me think to search “Brandon’s” name up. He’s not real of course. Thank you for this amazing read! I expect more from you soon… 🙂

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  • Commented on July 27, 2016 at 1:46 am

    I like this story on many levels
    1. shows that the reality of having your identity can be stolen in the craziest of ways
    2.the fact that with a normal set of circumstances this could happen in real life with fanatics of our generation
    3.the idea that someone/a group could go to the point of harassment and murder for someone who just does them wrong in the most silliest of ways intrigues me

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  • Commented on September 27, 2015 at 7:52 pm

    Nice story hope you write more. I’ll be watching.

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  • Commented on November 18, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    Awsum story bruh

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  • Commented on October 7, 2015 at 2:12 am

    Everything was great except… the cheat codes. What would unique people like these need with videogames?

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  • Commented on October 8, 2015 at 2:25 pm

    i love that this is unique and well written but because of a few grammar issues and the conveniently mysterious, creepy monsters cliche, 4/5

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  • Commented on October 9, 2015 at 1:49 pm

    Good job really intense. Didn’t really like the villains tho.But good job anyway.

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  • Commented on November 5, 2015 at 7:13 pm

    Cool!

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  • Commented on February 13, 2016 at 8:05 am

    This was a really good creepypasta!

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  • Commented on February 18, 2016 at 2:34 pm

    Keep writing that was awesome!!!!

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  • Commented on April 12, 2016 at 2:40 pm

    Nice work! I couldn’t help but laugh through it all. It is such a good pasta!
    Keep it up!

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  • Commented on April 12, 2016 at 3:48 pm

    This was a great story!!! Keep writing dude this was amazing

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  • Commented on July 25, 2016 at 7:17 pm

    Great pasta

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  • Commented on August 5, 2016 at 12:36 pm

    Woah, this is amazing. One of the best pastas I’ve read.

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  • Commented on August 10, 2016 at 4:04 pm

    OMFG this was good! So far I’ve read around 6 of your stories and your basically the best writer on hear! (no offense to other writers but your seriously good)

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  • Commented on October 19, 2016 at 4:43 am

    A 9/10 for this.

    1. Why does BrainDaddy described the callers as such… creatures? And the fact that it wasn’t address even till the end.
    2. I’m surprised that the callers took so long to action even when they were already “watching” him.
    3. You can’t actually converse on a voicemail, right? Or is it just a pure mistake there?

    Regardless, it was still an intriguing pasta. It would be better if we could learn more on the callers. Thanks author!

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  • Janedakiller
    Commented on October 19, 2016 at 5:14 am

    cool

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  • Commented on November 2, 2016 at 12:41 am

    Loved the writing style and use of colloquial words! Short but sweet descriptions of the stalker creeped me out and put me on the edge of my seat.
    You’ve got me licking my plate for more pasta!!

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  • Commented on November 14, 2016 at 8:15 pm

    The ending completely felt like a waste … haha but it was very well done, regardless it had lots of little things that didn’t contain their continuity. You managed to make it interesting, AND piss me off at the end. So yeah i give this a 6.7/10.

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  • Commented on December 10, 2016 at 12:40 am

    The Scariest part is if you search Brandon Coates it actually says he was murdered, but he was a deputy

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  • Commented on December 17, 2016 at 3:15 am

    JUSTICE SERVED

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  • Commented on December 20, 2016 at 8:34 pm

    I am absolutely in love with this one. It kept me on edge, interested and hanging onto every word. It was written well and it left me satisfied. 5/5

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  • Commented on January 13, 2017 at 3:02 pm

    obituary means a notice of a death, especially in a newspaper, typically including a brief biography of the deceased person.
    And also I love this creepypasta it’s in my top ten favorites. Plz write more

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  • Commented on January 23, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    This defines the internet sometimes thesedays.
    I liked that ending tho.

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  • Commented on October 2, 2015 at 4:14 pm

    Not bad! I really enjoyed it, well written although the typos overall contrasted from the “could be true” factor. Solid 8/10.

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  • Pinetree's Revenge
    Commented on November 19, 2015 at 9:26 pm

    Tasty pasta man!

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  • Commented on December 12, 2015 at 11:21 pm

    HI im new to the site and your an amazing writer and i hope some day i’ll be a great creepypasta writer im no creepypasta virgin if your thinking that cause a lot of my friends say i am and truthfully I WANT TO MAKE THEM GO TO SLEEP

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  • Commented on December 15, 2015 at 1:32 am

    This is a great story. I give it an 8/10, only problem that bothered me was that the only way he could have gotten the people off his back and not kill him was just by changing his facebook and twitters name, and his voice mail.

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  • Commented on December 20, 2015 at 11:38 pm

    This was brilliant, I had to switch my light back on half way through reading it…just in case

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  • Commented on January 6, 2016 at 5:53 pm

    I absolutely love this story. Its amazing and I’m really happy I got to read this.<3

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  • Macelar07
    Commented on January 7, 2016 at 1:42 pm

    Your story is great. The only plot error is when he goes to his car to retrieve the message and the message says that they can see him in his car…

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  • Commented on January 27, 2016 at 9:46 pm

    Great pasta lovedit 5/5

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  • Commented on January 29, 2016 at 4:05 am

    it’s great

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  • Commented on February 4, 2016 at 6:36 pm

    awesome

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  • Commented on February 27, 2016 at 12:47 am

    Very well written and the pace was perfect for a short story. I am looking forward to reading more from you!

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  • Jacksepticeye
    Commented on March 29, 2016 at 3:31 pm

    This story got me because there’s an actual Brandon Coates murder

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  • Commented on March 1, 2017 at 6:22 pm

    this legitamently scared the crap out of me

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  • Commented on March 27, 2017 at 12:02 am

    The ending made it better than most I’ve read but it could use some editing.

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  • Commented on December 4, 2015 at 2:40 am

    i luaghed so hard so many times

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  • Commented on March 22, 2016 at 8:57 am

    I skimmed through the pasta and I really like it! Keep on writing because it suits you!

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  • Commented on December 27, 2015 at 3:50 am

    All I thought of was SAO and No Game No Life. Idk why.

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  • Doofenhmirtz
    Commented on March 10, 2016 at 10:06 am

    Oh wow, I reviewed this one and now it’s famous blablablabla ahsbshshhsjwqiquqhshsn

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  • Licorice Whip
    Commented on April 5, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    What is an obituary?

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  • Licorice Whip
    Commented on April 5, 2016 at 6:43 pm

    What does obituary mean? I’m very curious.

    -9
    !
  • Commented on October 28, 2015 at 7:25 pm

    Vavavavavagina

    -11
    !
  • Commented on September 29, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    A lot of swearing…

    -13
    !
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