You have given me so much joy throughout the years of being in my possession. I have shared all of my memories with you, the good and the bad. I have revealed all of my secrets to you, even the deepest and darkest of them all. You know all of my feelings, thoughts and fantasies. I thank God every single day for you coming into my life. Before your existence I was a very lost young man. I could never find any rest, due to the voices in my head telling me to go act out horrific and heinous acts on women. In fact, the very night I found you I was out taking a midnight walk, I was debating with myself about breaking into a certain young girl’s home. I had seen her in the grocery store earlier that day. She was so beautiful and her smile kept playing over and over in my head. Then right when I was about to finally give in to the idea, something down by the pond caught my eye. It was the letters written across your front. The moonlight caught them in such a way that they began twinkling. It was rather beautiful, as I walked closer I was able to read the still glistening letters… “Diary” I read out loud.
There you were, a little dirty, but you looked almost brand new, lying out there like some sort of trash. I quickly grabbed you up and decided to put off bothering that poor young girl I was planning on doing those awful things to. It was all because of you, you more than likely saved that precious woman’s life along with countless others. When I got you home, I wiped you clean and opened you up. I started using you that very night. To my utter astonishment you were an open book, a clean slate for me to do whatever I pleased with. You became an outlet of sorts, for me to finally be able to release the demons I was always struggling against. My dearest sweetest Diary, if I had not have found you I may have become some sort of monster.
Oh how it breaks my heart now, knowing that our time together has come to an end. You have gotten older along with me, but you’re literally starting to fall apart. I know it’s mostly my fault, and mine alone. I have been much too rough with you throughout the years. I have rebound you too many times to count, and now I know it’s time for me to move on. If I could, I would just keep you here with me, lying next to my bookshelf, but I can’t. I need to get rid of you so that I can cleanse my soul of all of my past indiscretions. You have been such a wonderful tool for me, this is one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make.
Please Diary, don’t worry about me. I’m a much better man now than I would have been. I’m not going to go out on a murderous raping rampage or anything like that. I don’t want you to feel jealous but I have already found a replacement for you. I plan to use this next tool differently though. I let you in on WAY too much. I should not have poured my entire soul out to you. Honestly you know things that should never fall upon anyone’s ears. I can’t be too cautious in this day and age. If someone ever found out the things I have told you they would think of me as some kind of psychopath. They would never understand that I have actually found a way to control my inner demons with the help of such a simple possession like yourself… Just one little hair left at a crime scene can send a person straight to death row, but because of you I have never had to put myself in that sort of situation.
I often imagine how you came to be down by that pond. Sometimes I imagine that you were somehow put there for me to find. I know it’s silly, but I like to fantasize that you somehow grew legs and made your way there all by yourself. Ha, it was probably nothing more than a big coincidence, but I don’t like to imagine it as such. I have given so much thought on how to get rid of you. I thought about burying you down by the big oak in the back of the cottage, but I’m afraid that is not good enough. In my wildest dreams, I have always imagined putting you right back where I found you, for someone else to find and use, but I’m sure nobody would want you anymore. I have filled you to the brim and now you truly are nothing more than a used up piece of trash.
Still, I can’t just throw you away though, I’m going to have to burn you. My fireplace will do the trick. As I watch you burn all of the awful pages of my memories, thoughts and feelings will burn with you. It will feel so nice to let go of such a great burden and start anew. Now that you’re starting to tatter and fray at the ends, I’m sure that even you will feel relieved, for me to finally “let go.” You will finally be free of me my beloved Diary. Although I must say it was very hard for me to come to grips with this. I’m actually not going to burn all of you. I have decided to keep a trophy of sorts.
After I’m done reading this last letter to you, I’m going to unbind you from your chains for the very last time. After removing that heavy collar and handcuffs around your wrists, I will place your name tag in a glass frame. Diary is the most unique and beautiful name I have ever heard! When I first read it the night I found you I was so confused. I had never heard Diary as a name before. It will look absolutely stunning on the shelf right above the fireplace. Please don’t be afraid my sweet girl. It is time for you to go. The fire will kill you pretty quickly. I know I promised you I would keep you with me forever, but there really is not enough room for you AND the new girl. Plus she is different than you are and I don’t want to scare her. She still has her legs and is as pure as you were that fateful night when I found you. She is a virgin just like you once were. A brand new open book for me to do with whatever I please. You have lived such a wonderful life here with me. You have saved numerous girls lives. I’m a changed man because of you. Please go into the afterlife knowing all the good you have done for the world.
Like I said previously, I plan on using her differently than I did you. I will go much easier on her. If I could go back in time and change things I would. I would have never removed your eyes if I truly did not have that silly notion that I would someday put you back by that pond and let you free. Please believe me when I say I never planned on killing you. I was so naïve back then! Your eyes were such a pretty shade of blue. I actually kept them in a jar in the cabinet, but I’m going to burn them too. Sadly they have lost most of their vivid coloring by now. Still yet, that was not my worse mistake. I wish with all my heart that I would have asked you one simple question before I cut your tongue out and severed your vocal chords. I simply would have asked, “How did you end up at the pond?”
Whomever it was that put you there managed to cut your legs off with such exquisite precision. If he was not some kind of unearthly being, than he must have been some sort of Doctor. Every day I wish that I could go and thank the kind soul that left you there for me. Although I must say, if he did that for his own personal gratification I might feel very different. No man in their right mind would have went through all the hard work of capturing you, and then what? Using you for such a petty and boring reason! Why waist such a perfect virgin on something as silly as cutting off their legs? If that were the case he must have been some kind of a monster or psychopath! I shall never understand his motives, but I guess a normal person can’t be expected to understand the minds of such beasts. Things like that are better left to the psychologists and psychiatrists to ponder. I will now break my rant and leave you with these few short words…
My dearest Diary, I’m so sorry that I must leave you to the ashes, I will always remember you…