Red Water

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I was on a business trip about a year ago and I had to drive from Denver to LA. It was a long drive and I was growing tired of the road, so I stopped at the Holiday Inn hotel that was nearby. I walked up to the desk and rung the bell. Just seconds later, a man came out from the back room. “Hello sir, my name is John Shelby,” the man said, “How can I assist you?”

“I’m looking for a room,” I replied, “Are there any available?”

He searched in his computer to see if a room was available. To my luck, there was one more room left. He gave me a key and told me to have a nice night. I asked him to point me toward a vending machine and he did just that. When I walked to the vending machine, craving a bag of chips, I noticed a pool at the end of the hall. A lot of hotels have pools, there’s nothing strange about that. What got me confused was the fact that the water was red, blood red. I purchased my bag of chips and went back to the front desk where the man was still present.

“What’s up with that pool back there?” I asked him.

“What do you mean, sir?” He asked, a confused look grown upon his face.

“The water is red,” I said, “Why is it red?”

He took off his glasses and took a deep breath. “Well it’s kind of a freaky story,” he said, “Years ago, a woman was found brutally murdered in that pool and the water was contaminated with her blood.”

“Are you telling me that her blood is still in there?”

“No, no, of course not,” he said, “The water was removed and the pool was closed down. But many people say they see the pool filled with red water.” He put his glasses back on. “Personally, I had never seen it, but I think this hotel likes to play tricks with your mind.”

“So this place is haunted then?” He shook his head yes. I was shocked, not really scared, but just surprised because I had never had an experience like that before.

I went up to my room, took a well needed hot shower and I lay in bed. I couldn’t sleep for some reason, my mind was so curious and it had so many questions that needed answered. I got out of bed, put on a shirt and I walked out into the hallway. I walked down the hall and headed toward the pool. It was quiet out in the halls, I guess nobody else had trouble sleeping. I was laughing at myself when I realized I was in my underwear, so it was a good thing that nobody was out in the halls at that time. I did believe that I saw a woman cross from one room to the other. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, I just figured it was another guest.

When I reached the floor of the pool, I was able to see the blood red water even from way down the hall. I passed the front desk, nobody was there. I then passed the vending machine and I stopped directly in front of the door that would lead to the pool. I tried the door, but it was locked. I don’t think I would’ve gone in even if it wasn’t. I looked through the large window that showed the blood contaminated pool. It looked as if the pool had been closed for a long time. I looked behind me, down the hall to the elevator. I was imagining a scene from “The Shining” when the stream of blood came shooting out of the elevator. I had a feeling that I would see something similar to that, but I didn’t. Instead, I saw a woman, standing at the edge of the pool and looking as if she was about ready to jump in. She was completely nude, not a single piece of clothing on her body. When she snapped her head my way, I jumped back in fear and I walked back to my room as fast as I could, taking the stairs next to the vending machine instead of the elevator.

Hours later, I woke up to my alarm going off. I took a shower, threw on some clothes and I walked down to the first floor for breakfast. After breakfast, I was ready to check out and get back on the road. I decided to take one last look at the pool before I leave. I walked slowly pass the front desk, pass the vending machine and to the pool. I was still freaked out by what happened the night before as I looked through the window. I was surprised to see that the pool was empty. There was no red water and there was no woman.

I walked back to the front desk where a woman was working. “Is John Shelby available?” I asked.

She gave me a confused look. “Excuse me?” She said.

“John Shelby,” I repeated. “He was working here last night.”

“John Shelby died back in 1982,” she said. “He killed himself after murdering a woman, right there in that pool.” She laughed. “Is this a joke, sir?”

“Yeah,” I said, forcing out a laugh. “It was just a joke.” I returned my key and I left the building. I got back on the road, never forgetting about what had happened that night in that hotel.

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71 Comments on 'Red Water'

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  • Commented on October 25, 2016 at 8:25 pm

    It was a nice plot twist at the end. Really cool!

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  • Commented on October 25, 2016 at 6:56 pm

    Dang,I never expected that! [nice][/job]

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  • Commented on October 25, 2016 at 10:37 pm

    Awesome twist!! Didn’t see it coming. Great read.

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  • Commented on October 27, 2016 at 10:31 pm

    You deserve a 5/5 stars.

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  • Commented on October 25, 2016 at 6:45 pm

    Wow. Just wow. 5/5 I loved it

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  • Commented on October 30, 2016 at 1:55 pm

    Awesome Story!

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  • Commented on November 23, 2016 at 12:12 pm

    Nice! Nailed the ending.

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  • Commented on October 26, 2016 at 7:07 am

    I enjoyed it.

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  • Commented on October 27, 2016 at 2:10 pm

    Haunting, yet disturbing powerful story of a woman who died in pool, and years later, the pool turns red with the victim’s exact fate, very terrifying, 5/5

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  • Commented on November 3, 2016 at 10:49 am

    The plot twist in the end was cute, you should write more stories.

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  • Commented on November 19, 2016 at 10:36 am

    Unexpected…..that’s the first word that came from my mouth after i reed this creepypasta
    I love it so much….even i thought that it’s real this is the true story
    The best creepypasta i ever read so far…

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  • Commented on December 28, 2016 at 2:35 am

    There’s blood, there’s murder, there’s death.. But yeah, the character may just be in a hurry so he left it as a joke. But it creeped me out as well.

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  • Commented on October 30, 2016 at 4:22 am

    Sick ass story man!! Id love to read more from you!! <3

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  • PakaFace321
    Commented on November 3, 2016 at 4:56 pm

    That was so cool (loved the Shining reference) and the part at the end was great, super scary!

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  • Commented on November 5, 2016 at 12:25 am

    WOA. DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING. 11/10 BRAVO FOR WRITING THIS

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  • Commented on November 8, 2016 at 5:56 pm

    good story 4 of 5

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  • Commented on December 8, 2016 at 7:33 pm

    very good! scared to go swimming now 100/100

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  • Commented on January 15, 2017 at 1:44 am

    The story is very interesting

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  • Commented on March 18, 2017 at 7:14 pm

    Damn, I wasn’t expecting that! well done

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  • mrcreppy
    Commented on March 29, 2017 at 8:54 am

    Scary at the pool

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  • Commented on March 31, 2017 at 7:07 pm

    I wasn’t expecting that ending 8/10

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  • Commented on October 26, 2016 at 10:55 pm

    Great story!!

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  • Commented on October 27, 2016 at 12:12 pm

    twist ending

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  • eyeless_jack_lover3
    Commented on October 27, 2016 at 9:28 pm

    you did a very good job writing this story i really enjoyed it πŸ™‚

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  • Asquare
    Commented on October 28, 2016 at 4:35 pm

    Nice twist at the end of the story. Very good!

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  • Commented on November 2, 2016 at 7:21 pm

    Ha [tasty]

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  • Commented on November 4, 2016 at 5:51 am

    I love how he just plays it off in front of that girl at the front desk. Great story 4.5/5

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  • Commented on November 5, 2016 at 2:09 am

    That was a freaky twist ending right there.

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  • Commented on November 8, 2016 at 10:47 pm

    Really enjoyed this one, unexpected plt twist smartly and elegantly put, good job

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  • Commented on November 9, 2016 at 12:47 am

    Great job! Awesome plot twist at the end

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  • Commented on November 14, 2016 at 1:57 pm

    Awesome and love it. Very tasty twist in this fantastic pasta…. Keep up the brilliant work!!!

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  • Commented on November 16, 2016 at 5:12 am

    Nice story… The end was unexpected…@.@

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  • Commented on November 20, 2016 at 3:04 am

    Nice pasta. Loved it 5/5

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  • Commented on November 20, 2016 at 7:39 pm

    wow the twist was amazing!!

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  • Commented on November 24, 2016 at 11:25 am

    Bruh nice twist!

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  • Jake
    Commented on November 25, 2016 at 4:30 pm

    Holy predictable

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  • Commented on November 25, 2016 at 8:24 pm

    Nice twist, would have liked a slightly longer build up but still awesome πŸ˜€

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  • Commented on December 2, 2016 at 9:49 pm

    This was definitely a complete mindfuck.

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  • Commented on December 12, 2016 at 12:57 am

    Well then..

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  • Commented on December 15, 2016 at 3:09 pm

    Awesome! reminds me of The Shining

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  • Anonymous
    Commented on December 18, 2016 at 6:41 am

    Noice

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  • Commented on December 23, 2016 at 10:40 pm

    what a twist #shyamalan’d

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  • Commented on January 2, 2017 at 6:22 am

    I do have to say that the twist at the end was pretty good, but the rest of the story didn’t have much pacing. Granted, it was really short, but there wasn’t enough time for things to get really creepy or unsettling. Building atmosphere is key. But overall this story showed some promise. Keep working at and you can really get somewhere! If I had to rate the story I would just barely give it 3/5.

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  • Commented on January 10, 2017 at 1:20 am

    first one in a while that actually scared me. loved it so much

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  • Commented on January 29, 2017 at 12:32 am

    stories like these are insta-classics!

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  • alex
    Commented on February 7, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    wow i was really mindfucked this was an awesome story 5/5

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  • seraphim82
    Commented on February 9, 2017 at 5:48 pm

    the ending was a bit cliche, the refferance to the shinning did nearly throw me f the scent but it may help to give a longer and more vague beginning.

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  • Commented on February 9, 2017 at 7:13 pm

    Pretty cool twist. Great job. 5/5

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  • Commented on February 9, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    Noice

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  • Commented on February 15, 2017 at 11:39 am

    Nice story. That plot twist at the end tho gave me a scare. Good job!

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  • Commented on February 19, 2017 at 6:23 am

    Nice twist at last. overall 5/5. very convincing plot and storytelling

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  • Commented on March 3, 2017 at 9:06 pm

    amazing plot twist. 4 stars
    btw 4 stars is all anyone ill ever get from me

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  • Commented on March 3, 2017 at 9:07 pm

    amazing plot twist

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  • Commented on March 13, 2017 at 12:59 am

    amazing plot twist

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  • HostOfDarkness
    Commented on March 14, 2017 at 10:16 am

    I love the ending the ending was my favourite part I love story’s that do that for example R.L steins goosebumps books it reminded me of one of his books but overall amazing 5/5 stars

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  • Commented on March 17, 2017 at 2:59 am

    Well done!

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  • Commented on April 9, 2017 at 5:53 pm

    Great story! Creepy and a nice twist at the end.

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  • Commented on April 9, 2017 at 7:10 pm

    5/5. Nice twist at the end

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  • Commented on April 9, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    i enjoy theis stories they make me sleepy for some reason

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  • Commented on October 25, 2016 at 9:04 pm

    Nice! I give it 5/5. Good ending!

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  • Commented on December 13, 2016 at 7:49 pm

    DAANG
    DIS IZ GEUUD SHTUFF!!
    This is awesome…seriously

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  • Commented on January 1, 2017 at 11:55 am

    Your story was good but I think that you didn’t create enough tension. I thought the idea of the head turning 180 degreees was pretty good but you could have created more tension in the situation; like the woman ran at an unbelievable when I saw her or something else. The story was a good 1-minute read. I would have given it a 4/5, but there were a few grammar mistakes which made me reconsider. It should have been “…searched on his computer…” instead of “…searched in his computer…”, it should have been “… so many questions that needed to be answered.” instead of “…so many questions that needed answered.” and you kept using pass instead of past. E.g. ” I walked slowly pass the front desk, pass the vending machine and to the pool.” which should have been ” I walked slowly past the front desk, past the vending machine and to the pool.” So in short I gave it a 3/5

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  • sic.pig
    Commented on February 18, 2017 at 7:16 pm

    somewhat cheesy in a way I see it beautifully written with a bit of grammar mistakes. But overall it’s an interesting story.

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  • Commented on March 27, 2017 at 1:24 am

    I definitely pictured Evan Peters as John Shelby…

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  • Commented on May 16, 2017 at 5:27 pm

    The ending was a good and fitting twist but it does seem a tad overused. I still love the story and rated it 4/5. I found to spelling errors which is also a positive. If I were to suggest something, it would be add a little build up to the end or maybe through the reader off from being able to guess the end. Another good end would have been something like the man himself was a killer or was the one who died all those years ago.

    Please Note: I am not criticizing you in any way! I just wish to give my opinion and help in any way that I can to help expand your talent πŸ™‚
    -Zach

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  • Commented on October 27, 2016 at 12:13 pm

    I really liked it! c:

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  • Commented on October 25, 2016 at 7:39 pm

    Great story. M. Night Shyamalan-esque twist at the end was a good touch!

    I kinda felt like you were trying to buff up your word usage though, and it only made the story feel a bit pretentious. I’d suggest trying to write the same way you’d talk or think. The way the story’s written seems unnatural, but maybe that’s just me?

    All in all 4/5 if only for the creepy head turning.

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  • Lena
    Commented on December 2, 2016 at 10:57 pm

    The “twist” felt very clichΓ©. Overall, 2/5 stars.

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  • Commented on December 3, 2016 at 8:01 am

    I’ll give 3.5/5.
    Cliche, too wordy but otherwise a creepy, thrilling story. It’s good to describe the settings to let the readers imagine themselves inside the story. However, too much will divert the reader’s attention to the details rather than the feel of the story, which, I believe should be the focus of a horror story.

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  • Commented on January 16, 2017 at 3:44 am

    I did not enjoy this story whatsoever. The only thing disturbing about this story is how cliche and poorly written it is. You can see the twist coming a mile away. It’s unrealistic, unconvincing, and it’s a tedious and boring read.

    2/10

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  • Commented on November 3, 2016 at 1:40 pm

    -14
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