Something’s Lurking in the Snow

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It was a cold winter night in a very very remote town, out in the middle of nowhere. A debate team from a larger city had driven out that morning and had done very well, not finishing until around midnight. When the bus finally set off, it was around 12:45. As students filed onto the bus to go home, the driver turned on the strobe on top of the bus, so if they got in a wreck or anything they could easily be seen.

One boy in particular decided he wasn’t tired, and just stared out the window as they began their drive home. The sounds of his teammates drifting into sleep surrounded him as he stared out the window, forehead against the icy pane of glass. Flurries of snow drifted in and out of his vision, joining the white mass on the ground. They passed small patches of forest followed by endless fields and even more forest. He noticed that every time the lights flashed, he would see images. Creations of his imagination, like when someone dims the lights, seeing faces in the shadows. These images became increasingly frightening, especially as they entered wooded areas.

After a while, he decided he should probably sleep, and lay his head back against the seat. He fell into the lull of the driving bus, only half conscious when he looked back out his window…

And saw a herd of deer, almost galloping towards the bus. They ran out in from of the bus. He could see that their eyes were wide and terrified. They were being hunted, quite obviously, and as the vehicle hit them, it began to pinwheel. Spinning end over end in the fresh snow.

As we know, buses do not have seat-belts. Backpacks, bodies, and glass were being tumbled around. Everywhere. The bus finally settled on it’s back in the snow. The boy was unconscious, his teammates had stopped breathing. Glass had shattered, fallen everywhere, covered everything in a shimmery layer of surreality.

The boy was one of the only survivors. One of two.

As he woke up, several minutes after the bus had come to a stop, he noticed that he was on what once had been the ceiling. Warm fluid slid down his face, across his cheek and onto the ground beside him. A piece of glass was imbedded near his temple, small enough to not harm him too badly, but enough to make his forehead bleed. He reached up, pulled it out as his eyes adjusted to the blackness of this winters’ night. He lay down, unable to stand up without falling at this point and hoping for some rescue.Some person to find their wrecked bus.

And he began to hear a soft shuffling outside of the bus. Light feet in the snow, circling. It began at the front of the bus and circled until they came to stop right about where he was. He thought maybe it was a rescue crew.

He heard claws on metal, climbing up the side of the bus, finally reaching the top. It wasn’t human, he realized, the scraping and scratching. He heard a fist punch the roof above him and let out a small gasp, quickly covering his mouth as he heard whatever it was jump off the bus, onto the ground again.

He knew by now how wrong he was. This wasn’t a rescue team. He also knew it was unlikely anyone else had survived, and he needed to get out as fast as he could.

He began crawling over the backpacks, the bodies, the wreckage, debris, and glass. He crawled to the front, where the driver was slammed against the windshield, ignoring the pain in his hands. He scoped his surroundings. The door had been bent beyond repair. He would have to go out the windshield.

He slowly moved the corpse, surprised to find that the bus was still running, the headlights on. He hadnt noticed before, but he now felt the bus vibrating, humming it’s life. He crawled out, still in a crouch when he heard the shuffling noise again right at the edge of his little dome of light. He looked up.

Just inside the circle of light he could see gnarled, white, inhuman, clawed feet. And his eyes traveled up, seeking eyes exactly level to his. He straightened. So did the creature… Up… And up. He was no longer looking eye to eye. It was towering over him, staring down with dead lifeless eyes. Black pits in it’s ghostly skull. Behind him he heard the motor begin to die, his circle of light receding, the creature moving towards him, staying just beyond the reach of light. He couldn’t quite see it yet.

He backed up against the bus, gripping the twisted metal as the creature grew nearer. He felt warm blood pooling in his hands as his grip tightened, the creature edging ever closer. He stared up at it, its black eyes an twisted mouth, teeth protruding over its lip.

He opened his own mouth, no sound coming out for a few seconds before he asked, his voice rising pitch with fear, “Who are you?” And the creature bent down. Down and down until he was eye to eye with the boy, his hot breath on his face. He opened his twisted mouth ever so slowly, lips upturned in a ghastly grin, a grimace, and answered in a deep, bone-rattling voice… “The Rake.”

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27 Comments on 'Something’s Lurking in the Snow'

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  • Commented on April 27, 2016 at 11:20 am

    Ok, whenever I see something like this, a creepypasta based off another creepypasta, well… it really grinds my gears. I want to see some originality, not the same thing used over and over. You might think this is some “tribute” to the famous creepypasta, but all you’re doing is making readers roll their eyes and turn a once great creepypasta into a tired meme. That last sentence completely ruined any glimmer of creepiness in your story

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  • Commented on April 27, 2016 at 6:18 pm

    I agree with EnZanity, that last sentence killed the story.

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  • Commented on April 27, 2016 at 1:25 am

    Whenever you first started to describe the creature, I was like “It’s The Rake. You are screwed bro!”

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  • Mr scribble
    Commented on April 28, 2016 at 10:25 pm

    it was good but it would have been nice to see something new.now don’t get me wrong it was a good story but for me at least, the rake just dident seem to fit in this case. In the first take story the rake is made out to be a silent stalker of sorts who toys with his victims for months before finally striking. It just dident make a lot of sense for him to just straight up murder someone. In conclusion it was good but if it was a new creepy pasta creature it would have been far better

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  • Commented on April 27, 2016 at 11:26 am

    I agree EnZanity

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  • Dog
    Commented on May 2, 2016 at 6:25 am

    The story makes no sense, why would a bus pin wheel from deer? Why would the one person who is awake, beside the driver, live? He would tense up and hurt himself while the people asleep would not. This story makes no sense.

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  • Commented on May 4, 2016 at 5:55 pm

    I mean like the story is good but…The rake doesn’t really fit in the story…

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  • Commented on May 2, 2016 at 1:47 pm

    Ending was bad couldve been overall better if the rake wasnt mentioned :/

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  • Sienna
    Commented on May 17, 2016 at 2:06 am

    True TheSoulmaster the build up was good but when they said it was the rake it kinda ruined it but still it was ok.

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  • Commented on June 6, 2016 at 6:52 pm

    Ok, bad news, how would a bus pinwheel from deer? It would plow right through the deer busses weigh tons and tons. And how would he be the only on to survive? If you make another creepypasta use your head… Or google.
    Good news, like the end it was suprising!

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  • Commented on April 27, 2016 at 12:59 pm

    Ha… I reviewed this and it seems to have come to life. Congrats. One thing I wanted to tell the author was the very anti-climatic “the rake”. I think they needed a little more build up or maybe even explanation.

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  • Commented on May 12, 2016 at 2:53 pm

    What a cliche start.”It was a cold winter night in a very very remote town, out in the middle of nowhere. A debate team was finished around midnight.” Absolute crap. Didn’t even add details or build up.

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  • Commented on July 4, 2016 at 3:11 am

    The moment it mentioned the white feet I felt like every single bit of originality was sapped from the story.

    7/10 Amazing story with good buildup. But the Rake killed it.

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  • Commented on February 22, 2017 at 3:52 pm

    i liked this story [i think its good to recycle old stories and include them in something new it may not be the most original but if the auther is inspired by what they write then let them write !]

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  • Sienna
    Commented on May 1, 2016 at 11:37 pm

    DAMN BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE RAKE!!!

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  • Commented on May 5, 2016 at 3:09 am

    Hey joykilled, this is an awesome creepypasta! Is it cool if i used it to narrate for my YT channel? Many thanks 🙂

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  • Commented on May 9, 2016 at 1:58 pm

    Well its not so bad recycling old content.

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  • Kaleigh
    Commented on April 29, 2016 at 4:17 pm

    I liked the ending< even though you could already tell what was going to happen. Nothing against the writer, I just like twist endings.

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  • Commented on April 29, 2016 at 9:55 pm

    Creepy I like it alot

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  • LoneWolf
    Commented on April 27, 2016 at 5:26 am

    It’s fairly good, few grammar mistakes but that’s pretty much it. Reading this in school is always a great way to kill time. 9/10

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  • Josh
    Commented on April 27, 2016 at 12:24 pm

    not really , i think you did good. just because he reused one doesn’t mean that it’s boring , you were clearly hooked on the plot and style AND couldn’t tell it was the rake so what does it change besides helping you imagine what it looks like better.

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  • Commented on April 28, 2016 at 5:40 pm

    1million/10 im a guy who been on this sight for 1 year and this a great story on remembering the rake.

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  • pooperoni
    Commented on April 29, 2016 at 7:19 pm

    I gave one star. The only thing I hate more than reading stories about reptilians is tied rehashed stories piggybacking off someone else’s success.

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  • Commented on November 30, 2016 at 5:49 pm

    you guys are pieces of shit a rating, like what the fuck are you guys fucking doing in your life.
    maan you guys are total bitches

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  • Commented on November 30, 2016 at 5:53 pm

    fuck tards

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  • Commented on April 28, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    I think that it’s great that you wrote a story on the Rake, as I haven’t read a good story about the Rake in a while, but I agree with most of the other comments on the fact that the last sentence ruined the story. Nevertheless, it was still a good story. 8/10

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  • Commented on April 28, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    I reviewed this one too, I kind of regret approving it though because the monster wasn’t very original. But I mean the build up was nice.

    P.S If you’re ever reviewing and you come across a creepypasta called The Devil’s Cosmonaut, READ IT! It’s So GOOD!

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