I know I shouldn’t have this written down. But I have to warn the world. My only fear is that other’s will be curious instead of fearful.
Ever see something in the corner of your eye and look at it, only to find that no matter how quick you look it’s not there? Well, I saw it.
And trust me when I tell you this, you do not want to see it.
I was up late programming, my headphones on and some homemade dubstep blaring in my ears drowning out everything, eating some half-stale barbeque chips and some Mountain-Dew Voltage. I had just finished the debugging process after a double all-nighter and decided to reward myself with a long hot bath and back to back Doctor Who.
I finished drying off, got into some pajamas, made some popcorn and when the microwave went off I distinctly heard a soft panting. As if someone had just run a short distance and just needed a second to catch their breath. I looked around and saw nothing, took my popcorn and did a quick check around the house only to dismiss it as my imagination.
I sat down and flicked on the Television and went through my DVR to find a decent episode to watch as I’ve seen every episode already. But just as I go to select one, I see a flash of red in the corner of my eye. It’s in the hallway. The hallway has 3 doorways, one to a closet, one to my room, and the living room. So I peek in and look in all the rooms. Again, nothing. So this time I’m a bit curious so I turn on the tv, and wait paying close attention to my peripherals. I see it again, slower this time, I look and gasp loudly in shock.
It had the head of a fox, a tail, however everything else looked human. I stammered out a question “W. W. Who….Wha..What are y.you exactly?”
The creature gave what I would suspect a mischievous grin and said in a voice smoother than silk “I have been called quite a few name’s actually. But I prefer Kitsune. Would you like to play a game?”
I had been bored for the past 3 weeks programming that game so I just decided for once, I’d go with it. “I..I guess..” I replied.
His smile went sinister, though I figured this was just because his head was a fox. “Excellent, Ill ask you one riddle. Get it right and I’ll give you a single wish. Get it wrong. I get one thing of my choosing.” He said in that silky voice.
I could only nod. I mean, if I had to give one thing that I’d consider myself good at, It’d be riddles. Plus I get a wish?
“A man is found dead in a phone booth in a pool of blood. The glass on either end of the phone booth is broken and the phone is hanging. Just outside of the phone booth is a bucket and a stick. How did he die?” He said.
I gasped slightly, thinking. “May I ask questions?”
“You may ask three questions. That count’s as one. After you run out of question’s you have to answer it without any other words.” He answered.
“Any question?” I replied.
“Yes. One question left.”
I smiled “A man is found dead in a phone booth in a pool of blood. The glass on either end of the phone booth is broken and the phone is hanging. Just outside of the phone booth is a bucket and a stick. How did he die?”
Kitsune looked at me angrily but answered “The man was a fisherman and was telling somebody on the phone about the large fish he caught. When he used his hands to gesture how big the fish was he hit the glass breaking it and cutting himself deeply.”
My face scrunched slightly “That’s a stupid answer, do I get my wish?”
Kitsune smiled that sinister smile again “Incorrect.”
I looked at him confused “What do you mean?”
“You didn’t answer the riddle. You simply had me answer it. Now I had already-” He says, me cutting him off with “You tricked me!”
“No. I clearly stated you had 3 questions. Once you asked them the next thing you say must be the answer.”
“But…” I stopped realizing my defeat and nodded “Go ahead.”
“First let me explain what I am and what I do. There are billions more of me. Each assigned to a person, we are to follow them and monitor them. Never to let them know we are there. When one dies we are assigned a new one. When we are found out. We are required to give them a fighting chance. Since I like you I’ll take one thing instead of killing you.” I feel a sharp pain in my eye’s and everything goes black. I fall to the floor passing out.
I wake up the next morning. Everything’s still black and I hear a voice in my ear. “Sir, it’s okay, I’m Dave, and I’m going to take you to the hospital.” I scolded at his direction “Why is it so dark in here?” I swore I heard Kitsune laughing. “Sir, don’t panic, but your eyes seem….to have been ripped out.” “What?!” I pass out again, maybe from shock. Who knows?
I wake up with the smell of disinfectant infiltrating my nostrils. I hear his voice again “You’re lucky I only took your eyes young one.”
“Yes. You are lucky. You are the first to see us and live. I only spared you because you nearly won. But I have also cursed you. You have exactly 25 hours to live. Use them wisely for I have only given them to you to make amends.”
17 Comments on 'The Fox and the Eye'
This story had a decent idea to fuel it, but I didn’t like the way it played out. Riddles are always my favorite, since it always reminds me of a classic fairy tale sort of story. If you went for a more “narrator telling the story like it’s in front of a campfire” I would have enjoyed it a LOT more. But since it was in first person, and we were given a personal character that wasn’t a blank slate, the length of the story worked against the concept, thus causing it to fizzle out completely. It wasn’t bad, but I didn’t feel like anything was necessary throughout the reading. I mean Kitsune just comes out of nowhere and curses him, and was going to kill him. And when you think of it, there is no point to make him live for 25 hours. In fact, almost winning was worse than losing completely. So it’s almost telling the reader that being clever should be punished. Not really a good message, if you see it from my standpoint.
So to put it simply: making a character means you should make the story longer. Making the story short and with this type of setup means you should have different kind of narration. With how the story is, I give it a 3/5 since it’s not bad, it was a good idea, but it was just written in a wrong direction. But seriously, I want to see more, since I can’t get enough of mythological creatures that come with curses.
This story is original on its content in plot details, specifically the characters. The execution of the story is overused, meaning the part when the fox rips the eyes out. I believe that is overused and doesn’t have the same effect as it once had. 3/5 (P.S. I’d read more of your works).
Original idea, I enjoyed it, Although there were some parts that didn’t make sense, it pulled me in.
this was a really good and original pasta. 4/5
Really enjoyed this pasta, I just think that the two punishments the main character recieved were a bit too much. Either one alone would have been a great ending in my opinion, but both seem a bit overkill. I give it a 4/5
i loved the part where he takes the i and gives him 25 hours left.
if you use the title it spells The FATE
I liked the story but the end killed it for me. Kitsune answers another question with his reply and its not clear what he was making amends for. Your protagonist clearly lost.
kitsune said he’d take ONE thing-yet BOTH eyes are gone-wtf
I feel like you should have[continued on in the story and see who he made amends with and what he did]
More plz *cheeky smile*
Isn’t a Kitsune a japanese word? The Kitsune is also the mascot of BABYMETAL!
This was a great story with a great way for telling it. I thought that two punishments were overkill, and the Kitsune wasn’t described well either, did he have clothes, a skin tone, or anything like that? Otherwise, awesome pasta, I would happily read this again. 10/12 breads!
How did he write it when? His eyes got ripped out….
Great creepypasta. Really makes you wonder though. I=He said he wasn’t going to kill him then he gave him 25 hours. Still good.. 8/10
The one thing was his sight
Hi, I’m looking for some creepypastas I can read and upload the audio to youtube. If its okay with you, ai’d like to read your story with full credit given to you of course.