The Unexpected Cheddar

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Mary wasn’t one to complain
but on this morning there was gloom and rain.
Her head ached and stomach cramped,
But the harder that she fought the pain
The harder down did pour the rain.

So off to work, dear Mary went
Body sore and temper bent.
Though she should have stayed at home
and let her coworkers be alone.
But dear sweet Mary couldn’t bare
the thoughts deep growing beneath her hair.

She exclaimed at once upon arrival,
“I’m in a bitchy mood, best stay away for your survival.”
So stay away her colleagues tried,
but even louder, dear Mary cried.

“Perhaps you’re hungry”, suggested a friend.
But alas, this couldn’t make the miserable Mary grin.
She groaned and grumbled all through the hours,
all the while abusing her powers.

“Please eat something, you might feel better”
“Try a piece of this Unexpected cheddar.”

And to Mary’s hand, the cheese was extended
And to everyone’s pleasure a smile was how it ended.
But not in the manner than you’ve likely pondered,
because upon digestion Mary’s soul soon wandered.

Her head and hands became cold and sweaty.
Death’s boney hand reached out at the ready.
It did not take long before Mary realized
from where it was this cheese earned it’s name.

Twas not the taste that earned it’s title,
nor the smell or texture, but what laid idle.
Deep within this cheddar’s loins,
was poison bought by grim death’s coins.

Mary choked and gasped and wailed,
but to her side no helping soul sailed.
She hurled over, winced and fell to the ground,
and still around her was no sound,
of a single fuck being given out,
for all were tired of her flapping snout.

Soon she lay lifeless and still,
and with feelings of relief the room did fill.
So learn this lesson here and now,
keep your bithcy comments to yourself, no matter how.
Because if you don’t some day you may find,
a present waiting, with just you in mind.

Someone will give you the unexpected cheddar,
shortly after you may find yourself feeling deader.
Never knowing that all the while,
your “friends” surrounding will simply watch and smile.

And that’s how it ends.

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17 Comments on 'The Unexpected Cheddar'

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  • Commented on April 28, 2014 at 1:22 am

    I AM THE CHEESE. I AM THE BEST CHARACTER ON THE SHOW. I AM BETTER THAN BOTH THE SALAMI AND THE BOLOGNA COMBINED.

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  • Commented on May 29, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    And not a fuck was given xD I love it!!!!!! <3

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  • Commented on May 7, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    I think this is the first Poem-Creepypasta that I read. And I like it very much. Nice job =]

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  • Commented on July 5, 2015 at 8:12 pm

    Alright. This is one of the two other creepypasta’s I’ve read that are poem based, so you get a couple bonus points for being different. However, I will say that the structure of your poem varies so much that it is difficult to read at times. Your meter is off at times and, if read aloud, would sound quite strange. Also, some of the ways you described different things (e.g. thoughts growing deep beneath the hair, grim death’s coins) were very strange, and while strange works most places, those particular descriptions are not one hundred percent fitting.

    I will agree with others that this poem is not exactly designed for this site.

    I did enjoy the dark humor, though!

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  • Commented on June 13, 2013 at 1:23 am

    The not a fuck was given part was my favorite line. Very good poem pasta first i read and hope to see more.

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  • Commented on December 2, 2015 at 6:59 pm

    Delightful, funny at the surface with a creepy cheddar aftertaste. I enjoyed it 🙂

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  • Commented on May 14, 2013 at 7:26 pm

    life lesson

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  • Commented on November 1, 2013 at 10:54 am

    I hate to be the bearer of an unpopular opinion, but I didn’t really like the writing style of this poem as a pasta. I liked the idea, I’m not gonna lie, but it just didn’t do much for me.

    Nice try though dude 🙂

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  • Commented on October 3, 2014 at 12:08 am

    XD

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  • Commented on July 12, 2015 at 6:03 pm

    I have a huge headache now. Anyone else? XD but this was awesome

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  • Commented on September 26, 2015 at 8:49 am

    5/8/7/10
    Would eat cheese again

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  • IMightBeBatman
    Commented on February 5, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    I’m sorry, but this has a 2.73 rating and I still thought it was overrated.

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  • Commented on April 11, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    😀

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  • Commented on September 14, 2016 at 11:06 am

    “And no fuck was given…” oh my lordy lord hahahaha

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  • Commented on July 5, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    This was the first well-written poem pasta I’ve seen in a long time. Good life lesson too, keep your bitchiness to yourself.

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  • Commented on June 26, 2013 at 5:48 pm

    I thought that this could have been better… it didn’t seem like it was meant for this site.

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  • LDH
    Commented on September 2, 2014 at 5:37 pm

    The title made it awfully difficult to take this pasta seriously, even more so as I read it. Sure, the implied story of having enough of someone and killing them was enjoyable, but the impression I get is that the author had a bad day at work due to a disgruntled co-worker and, still angry upon arriving home, wrote this in order to let off steam. If that’s the case, I understand entirely. I do. But “unexpected cheddar?” I don’t even get it…

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