I’d actually seen him on our way home from school. He looked dirty and disturbed, and stared straight at us as our bus went by. We even made jokes about him, probably as our way of pretending we weren’t afraid. He was incredibly out of place in our middle class suburb, so his mere presence felt threatening… thus our panic when the three of us got off at our stop and saw him at the corner, about to look in our direction.
He was between us and our houses, and the bus had already pulled away, so we bolted for the bushes of a nearby yard. We weren’t sure if he had seen us, but we peered through the leaves and saw him stalking our way, muttering randomly. Tim, my neighbor, insisted that he’d seen a large knife in the man’s ragged clothing. Danny, a kid I hardly knew who had just moved into the neighborhood, insisted that he was imagining it – that Tim’s glasses must have reflected the sun wrong or something. Still, we were terrified, and the sidewalk was going to bring him right by us.
It was Tim that broke and ran first, keeping low. I followed, my heart pounding, as we dove into the darkness underneath the porch of the unfamiliar house we’d been hiding near. As we squeezed our bodies against the dirt, the grimy wood pressed into our backs, barely giving us enough room to breathe. From our hiding place, we could see the disturbed man turn into the yard in front of us and begin searching around, hitting the bushes and muttering angrily.
I realized then that Danny wasn’t with us, but I hadn’t seen where he’d gone. Tim had lost his glasses back at the bushes, and he just huddled in the shadows next to me in near-blind terror. We stayed there in silence, waiting. Every so often, whenever I almost thought it was safe to come out, footsteps would creep across the wooden porch above us. Tim almost sneezed, once, but I covered his mouth and nose in stark fear.
We waited there so long that the tone of the sunlight began to change. We hadn’t heard the man searching about in awhile, and I was just getting ready to peek out, when footsteps clattered and a thud hit the wood directly above us. A split second later, Danny’s face appeared in front of us upside down, and he looked at us through the lattice. A look of shock and surprise crossed his features at finally finding us. He whispered something, but I couldn’t hear anything. He seemed to be saying “come closer,” so I figured the horrible man was still around and we had to be quiet, and I inched forward.
Danny’s features grew fearful, and he kept indicating something above us. Strangely, I still couldn’t hear him… his eyes seemed to dim then, and I inched forward a little bit more. I froze for a moment in horror, then backed up. Tim mouthed to me: “What did he say?” and I just shook my head, completely in shock. Danny hadn’t conveyed “come closer,” he had mimed “he’s up there.” The drifter was unknowingly sitting right above us, waiting, because he knew we had to be somewhere in that yard.
There was nothing to do but wait in silence, trying not to scream. I was glad Tim had lost his glasses. I lay there as darkness descended, waiting in unwavering terror and trying not to feel the glassy stare of Danny’s severed head as it rested in the grass a foot away.
123 Comments on '“Come Closer”'
little confused. Was his head cut off when or after he said come closer
No one noticed a strange man cuting a kids head off interesting and creepy
Why do i find this sad?
im so confused
I don’t understand but I still like it
It would be nice if there was a second part of this story, i’d like to know what happened to the kids
This story is by the same author of Psychosis, he released a compendium of his works not too long ago.
I like it! Pretty sad however, that Daniel died.
Confused me just a little, otherwise I liked it. 9/10
I loved this! 10/10
Wasn’t terrible but the ending was a little abrupt & muddled. 6\10
It was a good meal. I would say 6/10
How come his head was on the grass? Was Danny sleeping?
Y U HAVE NO SWEG!?>?>?!>?>!?>!?>!?>!?>!? NOT ENOUGH SWEG
WHY U NO CALL IT CUM CLOSER?
WHERE IS DA SWEG AT? U AINT GOT AS MCH SWEG AS ME YOLO
This is a place for intellectuals to read and critique horror stories. No one cares about the “sweg”. So kindly do us a favor, and gtfo. I like this story, but i do wish there was a sexond part. 9/10
Those silly comments made me quite sad. I like this piece to be honest, and the confusion factor, in my opinion, makes this a little more thrilling. I’m a newbie to writing creepy pastas, but I’ve read plenty of them. This one is short, yes. It cuts right to the chase,and doesn’t digress in the slightest. I give this 8/10. Nice work.
I agree with the point about how the ending with the head being decapitated. It’s unclear. Other than that good average pasta.
id get why her friend being blind conferted her like wtf your fucked and your friend is even more than you and why the hell is no one seeeing this dead kid or why dont they have a cellphone
Gay bastards can’t even spell their favourite slang word, swag, right
The thud they herd was the man cutting his head of
does it make me a bad person if I thought that I wanted to keep the head of Danny?
Me my pasta are not perfect but i write them just for fun, but for some i have to tell permision to other pasta writer if i want to post their pasta on site like these and i have permision friom one only.
OMG I so totally LOVED IT!!!! I couldn’t stop reading the ending. I read it over and over and OVER!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t believe that Danny got his he chopped off. It realy brings meaning to the word yolo!!! I give this…………….
91/2 out of 10. And can I write a part 2?
uhhh what does this mean! and i give it 0.4/10
i think this is quite good although what do i know i just made this account
i like this one giving you 4/5 🙂
I had to reread it like thrice. But when I finally got it I must say, it’s pretty creepy.
I really enjoy this creepypasta. I read it over and over again all of the time. It never gets old. (:
The story was somewhat intense and cuts right to the point however, this story feels like it’s missing something. It is….odd….this feeling
This is a very good story. Although I think it needs to be a little bit longer. Like What happened to the boys under the porch. Were they killed?, Died of starvation, or merrily got bored and ran?
:3
i hope its over
It was a great pasta, please write a part 2. the only flaw was no ending :/ 9/10
what’s up with this “swag comments” ? shut up ^-^ anyways, The ending :/ it was meh I don’t really get it? random head and it progressed too quickly if you ask me。
It was good but It could have used more detail and needs to be a little longer still 3/5
I don’t understand the main point of this story can someone tell me plz?
Good story just wish It was a little longer.
I just thought it was a little too short. Personally I would’ve made it a medium sized story. But, even with the size, the story was quite the frighter! 😀 I give it a 8/10 mainly because of size. It was too quick a read. ^-^
nope just nope thats too much
hmmm this is ok
interesting I’m not an expert on the stuff just entertaining to read..soo its good..8/10
This was amazingly spine-chilling! Good job!
It was good! But i feel like it should have been longer or maybe it should have a second part? (:
I am never walking home without my knife ever again.
I find this story great although i can’t understand if Danny’s head was cut off while or after he told them to come closer. I give you a 9/10
The plot in this creepypasta is a litle hard to understand. It has a good choice of words, but it doesn’t have a conclusion. I would give it a 5.5/10.
Great pasta!
Holy cow, that scared the crap out of me. I take the bus to and from school everyday, and now I’m scared to go by myself. A fantastic pasta,
Nice work.
Never leaving home without my machete again.
i dont get it, did the guy chop of danny’s head?.
i dont get it, did the guy chop off danny’s head?
short but a good read
I liked the part with the r severed head. I think that it would’ve been cooler if Danny said “come closer” from under the bush and then the thing had severed his head so that when the two other boys had tried pulling Danny out, they realized that Danny’s head had been cut off.
This was…strange…..but cool. I like everything, except for the end, seemed cheap. Could just be me though.
This is a really good pasta I give it an 8/10 had nice grammar and I could tell you spent some time on this just like everyone else has said if you make a part two give us a nice ending something that will leave us In utter shock and fear.
As an English Teacher, I give the direction of the piece a solid ten. Cementing the story from the first few lines, the where, the who, all done effortlessly. The only corrections I’d suggest are making sure you pay close attention to formatting and punctuation, start a new line for every speaker. The ending was a bit static, but very reminiscent of the old EC Vault of Horrors style comics; very well done.
amazing but it couldve used more title refreances like danny couldve said comecloser or something but otherwise i would make it longer and as creppyer as u can but otherwise love it 8/10
Hey if you like hearing creepypastas and original storys visit my youtube channel Creepy Shorts
Oh wow I did NOT see that coming. Although, I probably should have setting as this is creeptpasta.
*Quack* Good story overall. Slightly confusing. 9/10
great job
Well written, good story.
Nice pasta! The background story is kinda strange tho, but i somehow really feel the thrill. Well done.
I really want to know if they survive!!! Great way to end! Only thing is that I’m confused as to why no one noticed the strange man cutting someone’s head off. I guess that’s something to mention in PART 2! 🙂 9/10
I absolutely loved it 🙂
Good job. Great story.
Oh my god, that was great!
That last part was amazing.
It was alright 9/10 but need to work on expanding the size.
It was good. I liked it. Its what i see for a creepypasta
I think it was really good. I give you a 9/10
This was amazing great job.
I really liked this. It made me think of times when I was a kid and my friends and I would see a strange person in our neighborhood and we’d make up stories about them. Both scary and silly, but stories non the less.
This capitalizes on the fear we all have of strangers when we’re kids and I love that.
Please write a part two!
I like this. It’s not too short, it’s just right and ends where it should. Good twist.
This was a splendid story for you to tell. Every word carefully thought of before you wrote it.
I will only say the flaw is no true ending. 9.5/10
well that end was random as hell
Man, this is an awesome story. Short but powerfull. I adapted it and narrated it in portuguese today on my channel. xD They are loving your story
Beautifully written! I’m hopeful for a sequel if you happen to do so! It would be the best thing to come.
Unlike some long creepy pasta, this was short and straight to the point.
I, for one, enjoyed the suspense and i think it ended nicely. Part 2 would be nice, but its better to leave the story here.
jeje
This was refreshing
too much spam comments
but as for the actual story it is pretty good and their are some questions i want answered. Which would be nice if their was a second one
8/10
Can i use this story in a video?
Great story nice intensity and clean,quick ending to it
This story had grammar that exceeded expectations! It was well written and deserves a sequel!
8.9/10
This was amazing, wish that you make a part 2 tho!
I liked how you used a very realistic scenario and still made it creepy, although I felt as though the ending did not really “end” the creepy pasta. You should make a part 2, so you can end it better. 7/10.
I got confused in the middle and at the end part but nevertheless it’s great!
Is it ok if i make a read on this creepypasta, i will give credit.
I made a video on it, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzNAx9q2Hok
I actually liked it. But I really want to know what happens next actually. I just hate cliffhangers in general but this one, I’m willing to wait.:)
Honestly I had to reread a couple parts several times as even though it’s short, I kept losing interest.”This happened. Then this happened. Then this.” It wasn’t very fluid or attention grabbing.
Ending was a little unclear as well.
Amazing story! Hope there is a part 2
What a delicious pasta! 10/10!
Wow! This story is seriously great – the way suspense is built up from the very introduction of the creepy man and then it doesn’t let up the whole story. Not even at the end. It’s intense and creepy – really well done. 🙂
Honestly, one of the best short creepy pastas I’ve ever read. Totally surprised me. You put so much effort into a short story it was magnificent well done:)
Good story, although I think the ending was a little rushed, could do with a part 2 maybe…
I liked this piece, but I got confused with it in the middle of reading it. Either way, I’ll give you a 4.3/5
Made my skin crawl. Nice job.
I think lacked something’ else but worth the reading so short
quite thrilling! nice work
LOL this end hahahaha
nice bravo
Wow that was good and genuinely creepy. Exceptional storytelling skills and writing ability
Despite the other comments, I think this story was great and isn’t in need of a sequel. I will admit, I wish it was a bit longer, but the ending was great and-at least in my opinion-shouldn’t be messed with.
I have to disagree with the naysayers regarding the length of this piece. I once took part in a challenge to see who could write the best complete story using less that 750 words. Conciseness is something to be valued when writing, and when you can tell your story with such economy of words, you’ve got some talent going on there. I’m rating it 9/10.
I love how realistic this creepypasta was. Something that could actually happen. I’d definitely give it a 9/10. Awesome work! short and to the point. Loved it!
Freaky. I like the concept. I got a little confused in the middle, but the end really sealed it. very scary. 9/10
I actually liked this alot, I think to spite it being a short it is actually very well made 9/10
I had to re-read it, but honestly I liked it. Nice little surprise at the end, and the more I thought about being in that situation, the more goosebumps I got. I think a part 2 is in order.
I love this, but I cant help but feel that its awfully familiar to me.
though considering the fact that I read a lot of creepy pasta and listen to narrators I’m sure someone’s decided to narrate this.
I appreciate this story because it accomplishes a great experience while remaining so short. Well done.
I really like it.
Wow, nice story! 4/5!
This had me gritting my teeth at the start! You kinda lost me towards the end with the talking head. Was he saying “He’s up there,” before or after losing his head? Either way, good noms!
omg this was sooo good!
I love this, the confusion and the horror is enticing. I hope you continue.
oh i think its very difficult to say whom right or false
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Love this pasta! The ending lets you think what might of happened which is the best endings ever. In my opinion i think the disturbed man knew where they were hiding all along and is playing with his prey like a cat plays around with his catch
poor danny…….. 🙁
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